Unconfirmed reports indicate that Martin E. Franklin, Founder and Executive Chairman of Jarden Corporation, which owns and operates the Diamond® brand of consumer products, has plans to endorse Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders for the 2016 Presidential Election.
An anonymous source who works closely with Mr. Franklin at Jarden’s Rye, New York headquarters stated that Mr. Franklin has ordered a new design for the brand’s Presidents of the United States matchbook series in anticipation of a Sanders victory. The source provided this seemingly authentic image of a design prototype to support his claim.
Mr. Franklin, a competitive trail runner who has completed the Badwater Ultramarathon, a 135-mile race through California’s Death Valley, where temperatures often soar above 120 degrees Fahrenheit, has felt the burn before, but nothing like this burn.
“At Badwater, in that blistering sun, my brains shriveled up like seared foie gras. I swear I saw Jesus at every aid station, and He wouldn’t give me any goddamn GU,” Mr. Franklin allegedly explained. “But with Bernie Sanders, fuck. My soul’s on fire! Somebody get me some holy water!”
Made in the USA since 1881, Diamond matches are well known for being sturdy and easy to light. Ideal for candles, stoves, grills, fireplaces, and campfires, they are the #1 brand of matches in the country.