Brenda’s loss, after 51+ years of marriage, left me traumatized; some of my grief, I’m realizing, won’t leave me ever. But, what I never saw coming, was cognitive decline coming for me so soon, no less, in the guise of the latest, trending disease, aphasia, which I shall henceforth call Bruce Willis Disease.
I’m happy to report that episodes of complete inability to form speech haven’t been frequent. But, the problem has felt progressively worse in duration and frequency, all the same. Though complete blocks have been short, during a complete block, I can neither speak, write nor type words, nor compose a sentence nor a phrase. Yet, I can still understand speech and language from others or in programs. But speech is AWOL. I can’t even say the words mentally. It’s the oddest sensation, one totally new to me. But, most of the time I’m still able to express speech fluently in my native English. And it’s not an on and off thing. I’m noticing more slurring and stumbling with words. But I’m also becoming sensitive to foods. activities and behaviors that rile up the problem.
Although my daughters and I first experienced this disorder in January, we didn’t obtain a diagnosis until earlier in March while I was traveling with my older daughter on a Carribean cruise. I collapsed at dinner one night and became aware of my surroundings again in the ship’s medical facility under the care of a Board Certified emergency physician. Two days later, my shore excursion to Cozumel, Mexico, was a taxi to a hospital visit, all pre-arranged by medical staff on the ship, getting a cat scan, a carotid artery ultrasound plus an exam and consultation with a neurological physician, instead of the previously scheduled seaside chocolate and tequila workshop.
I’ve had lots of tests in the weeks since then and seen lots of doctors, including my own. Everyone defers to the neurology practice that can’t see me until July. I’m already booked for another cruise in June, in Greece, with both of my daughters.
I doubt that anyone will be too upset with a guy at dinner who is sometimes quiet. After then, I intend to do what ever can be done to arrest or slow my own brain’s attack on what I aways thought was part of the best of me, my power of expression.