My story is part of an effort by Safe Kids International to raise awareness about an issue of social injustice which is endangering millions of children around the world.
There is an epidemic of family court judges deliberately disregarding substantial evidence of serious child abuse and granting custody to the abusive father.
This is my story.
My name is Portia and my experience is from Ireland.
It was some years ago now but I remember it all like it was yesterday.
It is like some nightmare but oh so real.
The shock and trauma from being legally abused by a secret system claiming to protect children and being paid to do so has led to many health problems.
Just one shock after the other led to years spent alone keeping children safe from the child protectors.
I wrote in my diary then " I will write on this as I never want another mother or child to suffer like we did.
After reading other protective mother's stories about being punished for protecting their creations/children, I realized there was an exact pattern in all our cases.
How could this be, as we are all from different parts of the world.?
The pattern is like a virus which has spread rapidly from country to country like a plague and leaving pain, suffering and soul fragmentation of its victims in its wake.
Today July 12 2014, this virus is spreading more and more because abusive fathers and their solicitors, etc have found a winning formula that punishes mothers for daring to protect their children from rape and abuse inflicted by husbands/fathers.
Solicitors, judges etc all know that protective mothers will fight to the death to protect their children.
However in that fight lie vast sums of money.
Drawn out cases strip mothers of vast sums of money and the court agents and child protectors know this.
There is money to be made- and like in the movie Devils Advocate, its all about the money and nothing to do with crimes or protecting children from violence or abuse.
In our patriarchal society, children are simply a commodity to trade like one would sacks of potatoes.
Our saga began in 1995 - so I have had a long time to study the pattern and observe it work almost every single time.
Our son had a loaded gun pointed at him by his fathers mentally ill brother - at the command of his own father, because I was late with dinner.
I had actually witnessed my husband sexually abuse our daughter.
My world fell apart and on discovering the sexual abuse. I was unable to speak for 3 days. I was frozen in shock.
Still I knew Ireland, in 1995 was a place where a woman dare not report violence or abuse as it was considered the Roman Catholic way to suffer for the sin of being born Eve ill and her children likewise.
I was the main bread earner, yet I knew I had to get out of that house and I did.
We went to the Refuge and then onto court and it was in the court hall that the first shock hit me.
The female solicitor advised against mentioning child abuse or domestic violence to the judge citing " Judge will punish you severely if you mention either??
I asked why and what was the purpose of coming to court re abuse and domestic violence if I could not mention them? "It just pisses the judge right off" she said.
I had no idea what she meant by punishment, but I was about to find out.
I had studied domestic violence in University, but all that we were taught, was not how it was in the real world. It was all lies.
Patriarchy was alive and well In Ireland and women and children were second class.
My solicitor and my husband's solicitor had done a deal?? without me being consulted.
When I asked my solicitor why she agreed to unsupervised contact she said
" well the judge always grants contact to fathers, no matter what."??
A dark wave came over me. I had promised the children that I would keep them safe and now I was being ordered to hand them over unsupervised to their very abuser.
I was advised to drag them by the hair of the head if necessary to contact or I would be jailed and perpetrator would get full custody.
The children simply refused to go to contact.
Then social services were appointed to do assessments on children. Probation Services got involved too.
I witnessed the lack of training in all so called professionals.
They were mere box tickers and legal abusers.
Our perpetrator was institutionally grooming them and it was so easy because they had all been groomed in the old patriarchal way.
Myths re all women being Eve ill and all children of Her also being little liars were all believed in the collective court and child protection business.
In every assessment our perpetrator was asked in first. Well, he was the one husbanding us for the church/state after all.
When our turn came, we were given 10 minutes with the so called professionals citing they had the full story from our abuser and we not required.?
I dared to question the inequality and got called a witch.
The probation officer had just been to a PAS conference and like the Satanic Panic scene, he saw PAS everywhere and I was the mother alienating the children from their father.
Our son was 9 and very well able to speak his mind.
He was adamant that he was going nowhere with his father alone.
He asked to speak with the judge and this was agreed.
Paperwork recently obtained shows his words to the Judge " that he would jump and down with joy if his father died." Hew could feel safe then.
At home of course our son was saying "Its either him or me Mum, One of us has to go" Its either suicide or murder, because there is no way he is going to harm my sister."
The judge agreed no contact until assessments were complete.
All the time the PAS Probation Officer was the one in charge of the case and everyone danced to his tune. He screamed at me several times, reminding me that this is Roman Catholic Ireland and I should go home and obey and force children to do the same.
It was all about playing happy families, no matter what.
The social worker claimed to be a social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, family therapist etc, but had no qualifications to match.
The Gardai/Police asked to see his qualifications after he threatened me with having my son taken away and given Electric Shock Therapy to burn out all memories of abuse- which he was claiming never happened.?
He also threatened that if I did not repeat 3 times "He had the power", then he would remember it in court.
The psychology report was due to be done and then the psychologist called me to say she could not do it as the social worker had called her, telling her what to write.
So we never got a proper report.
Suddenly every court appearance was about PAS and how children and I were liars, that I had coached our son because he spoke so eloquently.
Our son's teacher explained that Robert was always articulate and years ahead of other children.
Every court appearance our perpetrator sat there all innocent looking and asking "only for me to return home, that he did not want custody " as what the hell am I going to do with them?" referring to the children.
He had said many times how our daughter was no use on the farm, because she was born female.
When the main hearing came up, my solicitor had done a runner as the probation Officer ran him out of town.
He was also refused full disclosure and could not defend me.
The probation Officer did not want hot shot solicitors representing people in "his" area.
It was like turf warfare.
I self represented. I asked for copies of the reports and was denied by the judge who deemed me mentally ill and the contents might upset me.
Later I learned that all Irish family law judges are groomed to believe all Irish mothers are feeble minded.
The Probation Officer came on again citing PAS and no abuse.
He even wrote a full report about the children in their home though he failed to show up on 2 occasions and never saw the children in their home.
When I queried this he said "I am scared of you , because you are a powerful witch"
Not a broomstick in sight of course.
I was just a woman protecting my children.
The social worker showed up with other care workers for home assessments and one wondered why our daughter refused to play with her.
The social worker smelled really bad, had clearly been drinking, had slept in her clothes and had feces all over the tail of her shirt.
She came to court following day in the same clothes.
Then the real bullying began with social workers bringing in their legal team now and threatening to make me and children homeless so they could remove the children into their care, give Electric Shock Therapy and place the children with the perpetrator.
I was shocked at what we were experiencing.
The father had signed the ECT order.
Why not. What a gift from the child protectors to fry our son's brain and he remember nothing.Robert never met any psychiatrist.
In Ireland, its who you know and laws only apply to some people.
Outside the court the social services solicitor pinned me to the wall and threatened me, either sign for the Electric Shock Therapy or else.
Our perpetrator came out all smug with his solicitor citing
" You can never escape me, the law is always on my side" I own you and the kids."
I was dragged into the judges chambers and reminded that if I went to Strasbourg re my case I would be jailed right there and then and loose custody..
I was forbidden to take any notes.
I was a witch because I was too powerful for a woman in Roman Catholic Ireland.
I was ordered to check the religion of every child coming to our daughter's birthday party and no non Roman Catholics were allowed.
I simply moved the party to UK soil in Northern Ireland .
All non Roman Catholic witnesses were banned from the judges court.
We were totally isolated and allowed no contact with non Roman Catholics.
I was allowed no maintenance in an effort to force us back to play happy families.
My husband had cleared out my bank accounts without my consent.
Then the blackening of my name began with our abuser and child protectors in cahoots with each other.
We were then forced into total isolation 40 miles away and I had to take children 40 miles to school each morning while more assessments were done.
Our son was so mentally tortured during one of these assessments that he came out not knowing where he was, who he was and screaming about the social worker calling him liar over and over and over until his mind went blank.
The child protectors simply did not care about the children but rather it was all about forcing the children back under the patriarchal control of their abuser.
Our daughter 4 was questioned over and over about sex.
She had no idea what they were talking about.
She answered no to a question because she did not understand.
She carried the guilt within her for 14 years and believed it was she who got us all into trouble.
This is where the dark consequences of "legalized abuse and mental torture" show up years later.
At the next meeting with social worker our son refused to go into the room with him saying he no longer trusted him.
The social worker got really annoyed at this and asked Robert not to say that in public.
At the next court hearing we heard that we had failed to turn up for that assessment.
I had proof that we had and showed this to the judge.
I also proved 5 other counts of perjury and misleading the court.
The Judge lost his temper at this point and asked social services solicitor what was going on.
Solicitor and Judge had a little chat and then the judge apologized to me but said "I am so sorry, you have done nothing wrong, but I have to obey the social worker"
I said "But you are the judge".
Family therapy was then proposed where we would be surrounded by abuser and his abusive family.
My family disowned me because leaving your husband for any reason was not allowed.
"What will the neighbors say? You have disgraced us."
So that was the last time I saw my mother and siblings.
I did what I felt was the only thing I could do and that was flee and keep the children safe.
There was no point in believing that the child protectors or the judge were going to protect the children.
I knew our son was on the point of breakdown.
The GP also blamed me for everything and said "Let Robert have his mental breakdown and get it over with"
I found it so incredible to believe that my own GP was taking the side of perpetrator.
My name was blackened and all kinds of untrue rumors spread.
We went under the radar for years until the children were 18, free and safe.
I home schooled and they both thrived knowing they were safe.
We could not attend doctors, dentists etc as our names were listed.
In a secret court all property was handed over to our abuser.
The children had their inheritance rights extinguished- unlawfully as punishment for disclosing abuse.
Of course truth always finds a way out and it did when we learned our abuser had moved on to the babysitter next door shortly after we left and no one batted an eye.
Both children, now adults are wonderful peace loving beings with wonderful jobs.
Recently I got cards from them thanking me for protecting them all these years and for all I did for them.
I am so so proud of them.
I would do it again if necessary.
Here I would like to thank Dr Lynne Wrennell, Liverpool University for asking me write on this in 2005.
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/...
Thank you to Charles Pragnell for listening to me and believing me and explaining that he had heard it all before. Same pattern. Only difference is the Electric Shock Therapy to burn out abuse memories.
Thank you to Barry Goldstein for all his help and sharing his knowledge with me.
Thanks to Dr Kathleen Hawkins, Trauma Therapist for all her patience and understanding and hours of just listening.
Thank you to Janie McQueen for using her amazing writing skills to get truth to the world.
http://janiemcqueen.com/...
Thank you to all those who made sure we had food and shelter over the years as we moved 128 times.